Remembering Ryan at Christmas

For many of us, Christmas is a time filled with familiar traditions, treasured memories and moments shared with those we love. But when someone special is no longer there, the festive season can also bring a particularly strong sense of absence.

For Marcus, Christmas will always be closely connected to memories of his husband, Ryan, who died in 2017 after receiving care at Forest Holme Hospice.

The couple first met at Easter in 1997 and later that year moved to Germany, where Marcus introduced Ryan to the Christmas traditions he had enjoyed since childhood.

“Christmas, since I met Ryan for the first time Easter 1997, was his favourite time of the year,” recalls Marcus.

Ryan embraced everything about the festive season, from the decorations and preparations to the excitement of welcoming friends into their home.

“Ryan loved Christmas sooo much and our home always turned into a Santa’s Grotto,” remembers Marcus. “It all would turn into a Christmas Extravaganza.”

After returning to the UK in 2007, one of their favourite traditions was inviting two friends to join them for Christmas goose dinner. It became such a popular occasion that friends would eagerly hope to be chosen each year.

For Marcus, these memories are about far more than the celebrations themselves. They are reminders of the life they built together over two decades, the friendships they shared and the little traditions that made Christmas so special.

It’s often these familiar moments, once taken for granted, that become especially precious when someone is no longer there to share them.

When Ryan became seriously unwell, he was initially cared for at home before deciding he wanted to move to Forest Holme Hospice.

Ryan was cared for at Forest Holme in 2017, having initially received care at home before deciding he wanted to move into the hospice. Marcus could see straight away the difference it made to Ryan.

“Immediately his anxiety vanished and he felt safe,” recalls Marcus. “The team was amazing, nothing was too much and questions got answered so fast. He cherished that he was treated with dignity, kindness and always a smile.”

The kindness, dignity and support Ryan received during his final days left a lasting impression on Marcus, who promised himself that when he felt ready, he would find a way to give something back.

Today, Marcus continues to celebrate Ryan’s love of Christmas through his wreath-making workshops, bringing people together to enjoy the creativity and festive spirit they once shared.

Christmas after bereavement can be difficult. The familiar traditions may bring both happiness and sadness, while the absence of someone we love can be felt in the smallest moments.

An empty place at the table, a favourite decoration or a familiar Christmas song can suddenly bring memories flooding back.

But as Marcus’s story shows, remembering someone at Christmas can also mean finding ways to carry their traditions forward, sharing the memories that make us smile and keeping their place in our celebrations.

Because although the people we love may no longer be beside us at Christmas, the memories we made together remain a precious part of the season.